The Sacred Wombat Scroll

I stand before a very large change in my life.

College.

And I know that it doesn't actually decide where you will go with your life, but it still feels like a big fucking deal, k?

The roads ahead are mist shrouded, hidden from me. From this intersection, all I can do is wait for the mist to clear, for the veil to lift. I've begun to turn around, look where I've come from. All the roads I could have taken, some I should have taken, the things I did, the bad and the good, and I realize that the good things are not as many in number as I thought. They good things are few and at times far between. I want to go back, do somethings different, to reach out to some people.

Right now, life = blegh

So far this year, two of my close friends have lost a friend in a car accident.

Efren Najera, died January 18, 2008 and Chris Hentchel, died April 4th, 2008.

Life throws curve balls at you, and you have no idea how to react, to comfort, to listen or to do anything. Both of these accidents were due to high speeds. So all you who drive, please slow down and stay with us.

    Sometimes you just need to shut up and listen. Silence the storm in your mind, shut out the voices, release emotion and stress and let reality wash over you. Colors, smells, textures, sounds, little things about people and routine that you don't notice.

    When you sit on the train and quite your mind, feel the motion of the train and how it carries you with it, hear the voices at both ends of the car laughing, shouting, some are sharp and some are clear, some are strong, and some you can't help but listen to. Let is wash over you.

    When come home and you kick off your shoes and start to head upstairs, take pause at the carved enamel box on the table. reach out to it and run your hands over the leaves and flowers and tree branches, their texture and contours.

    Stop on a street corner or your kitchen or anywhere and breath in deeply through your nose on a spring day. You can smell the flowers that are just opening up or some that are still buds.

     Let it wash over you, take in the world with your senses, and feel what living is like.

My iPod of more then 5 years is dead. It still turns on but it's not recognized by any computer that it's hooked up to and it formatted itself last night, thereby erasing all my music, some of which I can never get back. It's all very sad, but in other news, I think I know where I want to go to college! Yay...?

I've been planning a road trip this weekend. No, not the kind where you and two of your closest friends jump in an old beat up car to go across the country and B-movie hilarity ensues. This is the kind where you and your Dad hop in a car and drive down to New York and see 3 or 4 colleges in the space of 1.5 days.....

whoopee

I'm in a really strange mood. I'm really happy, bouncy almost, but I should not be right now. Maternal-offspring relations are crumbling FAST, SATs are Saturday, I've got a shit-load of work to do, some jack-ass nearly ran me off the road twice yesterday, but I'm feeling really good.....

Kiss me again, just so you can stop the st-st-st-stuttering....

Stupid gum commercial song is stuck in my head

I woke up today in a good mood. This is highly irregular, because anyone who has ever tried to wake me up before 9:00 AM knows that I am NOT a morning person. But today I woke up in really good mood. The bouncy happy kind of mood. The mood that makes you want to do grab someone and dance or be silly with them and both of you crack up for an hour or so. I'm listening to music, grinning like an idiot and in my bathrobe. Best state of being. Ever. I do wish, however that Molly had gotten back to me 'cause Erin and I wanted to hang out with her today. :(

oh well....

How I spent project week: working on a story.

There's guns, pimps, fire and tequila!!!

I hope you all saw the moon last night, it was full and amazing. I was walking Zeus, and it was just at the end of sunset and the moon was big, full and bright, just above the horizon and rising into a cloudless sky. Last night, everything was awash in pale-blue moonlight.

I finished my midterms on Friday, I am relieved. Of course this was cause for celebration, so I watched this Russian sci-fi/adventure/romantic comedy called Day Watch. It was awesome. Best seen with friends, and they do this really cool thing with the subtittles where- actually, just see it yourselves, or I'll see it again with you.

3 down, 2 to go....

I can make it, I can make it, I can make it, I can make it.....

Alright world, I finally got a facebook!

You know what I'd do if I could fly? I'd go outside, get a ladder, climb up to the roof, go to one end, turn around and sprint to the edge. I'd jump, feel the wind whipping up around me, see the ground rushing up to me then at the last second, I'd fly upward, hover for a bit over the pine trees in our yard. Then, I'd follow the next commuter rail train that passed, then skim over the Charles, under the bridges between Boston and Cambridge. I'd fly around the financial district a bit too, just 'cause there are tall buildings there, some look kind of cool, but mostly because they're tall and I'd freak out all the people in them. After that, circle the Hancock a bit, then to the Public Gardens. I'd chill with the swans for a bit on their island, then if they were getting angry, I'd head for the clouds, fly through a few. Maybe stay inside one for a while.

I want to know what a cloud tastes like.

I came up with a name for my story!!!!

Look Beyond the Sunset

what do you think? I guess Lura's the only one who can answer this since she's the only one I know who reads my LJ who has read my story.

I feel incomplete. 

Heartache.

I've ever been able to hold someone in my arms, and tell them I love them. I see so many of my friends and people I know becoming couples or finding someone, and I feel down.

It's true what they say, nice guys never win. I'm too nice. There have been girls in the past who I've had crushes on, but become friends with them, because I'm nice, that's why the liked me as a friend. What do you do when you know the person you have a crush on will probably never return the feelings? For one thing, you don't listen to fucking Wild Horses, stupid iPod set on shuffle.  I want someone to be there for me and to be able to be there for them. Mr. Merill told us that if we hadn't fallen in love by 17, complain to Mr. Wharton, I might just do that. Fuck you, iPod, you're making this worse, playing Good Morning Heartache (Billie Holiday). Damn it.

How's this for crazy? It's a quote from Battlestar Galactica:

"Two protons expelled at each coupling site creates the mode of force, the embryo becomes a fish that we don't enter until a plate, we're here to experience evolve the little toe, atrophy, don't ask me how I'll be dead in a thousand light years, thank you, thank you. Genesis turns to its source, reduction occurs stepwise though the essence is all one. End of line. FTL system check, diagnostic functions within parameters repeats the harlequin the agony exquisite, the colors run the path of ashes, fifty-two percent of heat exchange cross-collateralized with hyper-dimensional matrix, upper senses, repair ordered relay to zero zero zero zero"

That character is a Hybrid. Human/machine combo and she's linked into this big  bio-organic ship, actually she kind of is the ship. She's loony either way.

Ok, three guesses. What do clementines, my spanish teacher's personality and ammunition have in common?

New music to check out, they're called Gotan Project. They're a medley of electronica, traditional tango music. They have 2 albums that I'm aware of, Lunatico and La Revancha del Tango.

Oh I almost forgot, I went to U20 JO Qualifiers yesterday. For non-fencers reading this, U20's are for people under 20 years old. There are U17's as well, but I'm 17 thus I could not go. JO's are the Junior Olympics, not as fancy as the real ones but it's still a really freaking big deal to qualify for them. I went there, while sick (achy, sneezing, coughing and all), and I fenced. I didn't do tremendously well, but I beat one guy 5-0 in pools, lost to another guy 0-5 in pools and lost to everyone else 4-5 or 3-5 in pools. I won my first DE (Direct Elimination) bout, and then I had to fence a guy I know from 6th 7th and 8th grade. He has an A now. I fenced an A and landed 6 touches. I feel good about my self.

*glee*